On Poems : Invictus

Invictus


Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.



William Ernest Henley



(One of my favorite poems that I learned when I was in high school. Reading this again, gets me going to face life conquests. For I am the master of my fate and captain of my soul.)

Favorite Quotes from Favorite Books of My Favorite Writer

The future belongs to God, and it is only He who reveals it, under extraordinary circumstances.

***The Alchemist

When a person really desires something, all the universe conspires to help that person to realize his dream.

***The Alchemist

When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.

***The Alchemist

And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dreams would have on meaning.

***The Alchemist

I'm not a body with a soul, I'm a soul that has a visible part called body.

***Eleven Minutes

Humans can withstand a week without water, two weeks without food, many years of homelessness, but not loneliness. It is the worst of all tortures, the worst of all sufferings.

***Eleven Minutes

No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.

***Eleven Minutes

Sex has come to be used as some kind of a drug: in order to escape reality, to forget about problems, to relax. And like all drugs, this is a harmful and destructive practice.

***Eleven Minutes

Love was necessary if one was to experience pleasure in bed.

***Eleven Minutes

Sometimes, you get no second chance and that it's best to accept the gifts the world offers you.

***Eleven Minutes

At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in fairy tale and the other in the abyss.

***Eleven Minutes

Sometimes happiness is a blessing - but generally it's a conquest. The magic moment of the day changes us and makes us take off in the direction of our dreams.

***By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.

***By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

At some point, we have each said through our tears, "I 'm suffering for a love that's not worth it." We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules.

***By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

"I could have". What does this phrase mean. At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could have happened but didn't. The magic moments go unrecognized, and then suddenly, the hand of destiny changes everything.

***By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

It's better to lose some battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you are fighting for.

***By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept

Freedom is not the absence of commitments, but the ability to choose - and commit myself to - what is best for me.

***The Zahir

"That's simple," says the old man. "They the prisoners of their personal history. Everyone believes that the main aim in life is to follow a plan. They never ask if that plan is theirs or if it was created by another person. They accumulate experiences, memories, things other people's ideas, and it is more than they can possibly cope with. And that is why they dream."

***The Zahir

A fatally wounded soldier never asks the medical team: "Please save me!". His last words are usually: "Tell my wife and son that I love them." At the last moment, they speak of love.

***The Zahir

"Accept what life offers you and try to drink from every cup. All wines should be tasted; some should be sipped, but others drink the whole bottle." "How will I know which is which?".

"By the taste. You can only know a good wine if have first tasted a bad one."

***Brida

We can also allow our Soulmate to pass us by, without accepting him or her, or even noticing. Then we will need another incarnation in order to find that Soulmate. And because of our selfishness, we will be condemned to the worst torture humankind ever invented for itself : loneliness.

***Brida

Do not try to explain feelings. Live everything intensely and treasure what you feel as a gift from God.

***Brida

The best Bible is nature and life itself.

***Brida

Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.

*** The Devil and Miss Prym

Man needs what's worst in him in order to achieve what's best in him.

***The Devil and Miss Prym

Life can seem either very long or very short; according to how you live it.

***The Devil and Miss Prym

Corporate Crap Trap

In the corporate world where the Company or we ourselves abide to the unspoken rule that 'whether we like it or not we have to deal with it'. Cons - n work, we simply gain stress due to accomplishment of with impossible deadlines, deal difficult clients and bitchy colleagues. Pros - In every dealings we made others simply gained temporary or if you're lucky, permanent friends, companion, spouses and lovers.

We simply loose some and gain some. And that's how the world works!

Thinking about my professional career in the long run, made me feel inspired to share these gossipy, juicy stories that may hit on every neuroses we have.

Mama Bear and Papa Bear

In a leading real-estate company, where I used to work; I found out that one of the supervisors in a division of our department, is rumored to be our VP's mistress. No wonder this cute and bubbly, chubby supervisor is getting all the credits and benefits of other divisions ' hardwork. My division in particular. Though most of the time, I don't mind that they get the higher salaries or benefits. My colleagues and I simply hated that her subordinates didn't get reprimanded for not doing their job. Worse, they simply pass their workload to ours. Then, one of the fungus-tongued senior, in her witty humor nicknamed our VP and his mistress as "Papa and Mama Bear", because both of them are chubby. Unfortunately, when their 'Nicknames' spread in the entire department and reached inevitably to our grumpy VP. So, he called up a general assembly that requires mandatory attendance from all the members of my division. With his temper flaring, he lashed out to those who are spreading the rumors about people under his wing, having been romantically or sexually involved with some managers and executives - which in all honestly, I am not aware of - except for his own dalliances. Our grumpy VP stated that it's nobody else's business if one of us committed such indiscretions, as long as we stay competent to our jobs. It's funny to think that I admire him for being one of the most competent leaders in that corporation and the best boss that one could have. It shatters my regard to him when he simply turned into a monster if somebody snitched his 'favorable working relations' to his mistress. Another hard proof that 'nobody is perfect'.


Frenemies

There is a certain group of friends in my division, who were very much like the teen's mean girls. Like in the movie they have their lead mean girl, Girl 1, a married woman with 1 kid. Her hobby is to dish out every detail of her sex life, before and after her marriage. Girl 2, is the prettiest of them all, friendly and sweet - but very much of a bitchy aristocrat for having the balls of her bf. Lastly, Girl 3 is bit of a timid and shy girl, whose having an affair with her older and very much married Manager. The thing is, when Girl 1 and Girl 3 have a conflict; Girl 1, for being a snake, backstabbed Girl 3. In short, she spread the rumors of her friend, Girl 3, of her affair with their Manager. My heart went out to Girl 3 for a lot of things, her affair out in the open, her tasks unaccomplished because of no technical support from Girl 1 and depressed for being prejudiced in her workplace. Worse, Girl 2 offers no sympathy to Girl 3 and her Manager is mum about it.

Others felt sorry for her that others, including me, offered company to ease out her depression. After few days, to our amazement, Girl 1 and Girl 3 are back in being good friends. Heard it from a mole that Girl 1 spread the rumor simply to break off their affair. Her intentions maybe good but her way wasn't. The catch is, Girl 3 simply received a non-chalant apology from Girl 1, which was okay with her because she wanted to be with the "in" group - the pretty little things that are glued for superficial reasons. By the way, Girl 3's affair was consented by Girl 1 , simply because Girl 3 found out that Girl 1 had slept with her ex-bf on the sly. So much for dirty little secrets!

Devil's Angels

Giving extra zillion miles to the colleagues and clients and meeting the deadlines are stressful enough. What really irked me are those people who instead of doing their job, walks around the office to see every minions work their asses off, if they see something they don't like, it will be reported to the boss in a speed of light. And because of that they add to unnecessary load of stress. Even the flaw they see is that you have a really good and well-tailored dress. I admire their sharp eyesight for having the bird's eyeview in pointing out other's mistake and disgust for their wagging tongues that could influence our boss decisions. Very few crossed them, simply because they're our "boss angels", but in my mind they're simply the angelic version of a real devil, hence - the Devil's Angels. Unfortunately, I am one of their victim, I have received a memo for not answering calls, which they saw when they are doing their rounds. To hell with this freaking memo! Good thing, I wasn't reprimanded by my boss. Why? He simply knew that I am doing my job for handling high-end projects that have demanding high-end clients to be pacified now and then. Period. I thanked my real heavenly angels for being on my side.

Minding Manners

I remember once that I have a Filipino-Chinese boss, with the same age as mine; handled their new family business venture. It was the hype of the powdered shakes then, that my boss ventured in. Invitations for franchise in a news ad, made our office busier for phone and personal queries. My boss' competency in business is flawed due to his lack of manners. It's not that I am being judgemental or full of myself, it's just that at least he should not picking his nose in front of us, while giving instuctions. Though he graduated with flying colors in a prestigous university and a 'de buena' family name, I can't believe that he doesn't have enough manners to not pick his nose while he's giving instructions to us. The eeewwwness of it! Worse, his prospective client was turned off and insulted, when they discuss business while he was eating his homemade lunch in front of the client. He did not even offered a glass of water to the poor guy. As expected, no business was deal closed. Simply because his manner reflects on how is he going to handle the business. At times, he did not close the door when he pee to our communal comfort room. Yikes! But in the end, he improved his lacked of these manners, maybe because he noticed that we don't get too be close to him because he forget to take a bath sometimes. Still he's on his way to improvement. Hats off to you boss!

On Poems : The Road Not Taken

***** Though a friendly ear and advice would do great to soothe my worries or ruffle my feathers. I am the kind of person who would look back for a passage or poem that encourages me to go on, coursing through life as it is. Here, is the poem that I learned from my Language Arts professor back in college. Though I do not know this poem by heart, it surely reminds me that 'The road less traveled by has made all the difference'.

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.



Robert Frost

More Cocktails...Please....

Here's another round of my favorite cocktail recipe....



The Margarita

Ingredients :

1 Measure of Tequila
2 Measures of Cointreau

Method :

1. Prepare the cocktail glass by rubbing lime juice all the way around the edge of the glass.
2. Place on a saucer of salt to achieve the salted rim effect.
3. Then add the Tequila, Cointreau and lime juice into a cocktail shaker full of ice and shake well together.
4. Strain into the cocktail glass.

Additional notes :

A classic cocktail, sour yet somehow refreshing at the same time! For a combination of citrus flavours, mix half a shot each of lemon juice and lime juice (instead of just lime).

For variety :

Alternate fruits and juice mixtures can also be used in a margarita. Many recipes call for a splash of orange juice. When the word "margarita" is used by itself, it typically refers to the lime or lemon juice margarita, but when other juices are used, the fruits are typically added as adjectives in the name; with lime juice or lemon juice added like a condiment (and a wedge of lime often added to the glass). Examples of popular combinations are:

• Texas margarita, with orange juice, and beer sometimes
• Raspberry margarita, with lime juice
• Strawberry or peach margarita, with lemon juice
• Mango margarita, with lime juice
• Melon margarita, often with melon liqueur such as Midori
• Banana margarita, with orange and lime juice
• Apple margarita, with Berentzen's apple liqueur

The Rum Cola

Ingredients :

2 oz. of Rum
1/2 juice of half of Lime
Cola (any brand will do)

Method :

1. In a highball glass, pour rum and lime juice, then stir a little.
2. Then fill it with Cola.

Virgo Profile

Virgo is the sixth sign of the Zodiac, lasting from August 24 - September 23. Ruled by Mercury. A Feminine Negative Mutable Earth Sign

Virgo and Independence :

Virgo is a very independent zodiac sign. They are fully able to put their intelligence to use and get things done for them. It is possible however that their narrow mindedness causes their creativity to suffer and they may lead regular routine lives. They may dwell too much on the past and over complicate things and this may limit their ability to move forward and confuse themselves. In conclusion, Virgos are able to be independent but the less evolved types will have difficulty if someone is not there helping them to achieve more and not be so critical of themselves.

Virgo and Friendship:

People look up to Virgo for friends because they are straight thinkers and solve problems logically. They are truthful, loyal and determined. Some people might find them cold or emotionally detached because they live in their minds, not in their emotions and feelings. It might be hard to pin down how a Virgo friend is feeling because they easily live in denial. A person who is able to read deep into another person will notice when Virgo is not well but if they confront them about it, they would rather retreat then talk about it. It is best to keep your emotional distance from a Virgo friend unless they open up to you first. Virgo might try to analyze and control a friend's life but only with the idea that they will improve their life, not purely for the sake of controlling. Be patient with your Virgo friend and understand that their recommendations are only to make your life better.

Virgo and Business:

Virgos are very intelligent; they have an excellent memory and a highly analytical mind. This makes them good investigators and researchers. They also have the ability to probe into a person's emotions and they can often see into people and detect what their motives are. This makes them great policemen or interrogators. Virgos are very good at problem solving; this is what they do best. They are confronted with a problem; they will pick apart the pieces and put it together in the proper order. They are rational thinkers and are good at settling other people's disputes and putting them on the right track for reconciliation. Any position that requires the above features, which is a very long list, is perfect for the Virgo. They keep the world in order.

Virgo Temperament:

Before a Virgo plunges into anything, from a problem to a vacation idea, they need to analyze all the facts and know all the details before they plunge in and make a decision. This makes them seem indecisive and slow. Virgo's perception is their reality, more so then other astrology signs. What they believe is what will be, if they have a negative outlook on life, things will present themselves to be negative and they will be very moody and isolated/detached. If they are positive, the same events that occur will be held in a positive light and they will be a pleasant, well adjusted person. A Virgo mind is a very powerful mind and they must have the proper attitude for their life to be happy and successful. Virgo needs to get in touch with their feelings; this is why they usually seem cold or detached. They are very prone of living in denial. They will say they feel okay or everything is alright even when it's not. This is an easy way out, the one thing that Virgo does not like to analyze is their feelings so pretending everything is okay is a good defense mechanism for not having to take a closer look at their feelings. Virgo has an unpredictable and sometimes unstable temperament.

Virgo Deep Inside:

They need to be organized in their mind, sometimes all their energy is taken from organizing their mind that they have a difficult time organizing their surroundings. They easily look too deep into an issue and over analyze what they percieve. Virgo is ambitious and strives to always know more and have more. This is in their eternal quest to bring order to chaos. Even if order is obtained from an outsiders' point of view, Virgo will not be settled for they have a very active mind that is always thinking and can never be silenced. Virgos want to be of use, they need to be important and essential to everyone in their lives and in everything they do. Virgo's major life lesson is to learn to trust in and have faith in the unknown. They have to understand that things in life happen for a reason that is not always known to them, they do not have to always know everything. They need to learn to calm down and not over-analyze a situation or event. Deep inside, Virgo is very sensitive and they need to be appreciated for all the things they do. When Virgo is is offended or hurt, they may never show it.

Virgo in a Nutshell:

Virgo exists in the mind, everything is inside. To the world, Virgo presents a calm and collected exterior but on the inside, nervous uncontrolled intensity in the mind, trying to figure things out, how to improve everything, analyzing and thinking. Virgo can tire itself out without even moving! Virgo has a constant drive to improve and perfect, this can lead to extreme pickiness and finickiest. They are pure, their motives are honest never malicious and they want to accomplish something.

Virgo as Career Woman

Here are some occupations that a Virgo might consider: Accountant, Bookkeeper, Bus boy, Computer analyst, Contractor, Copy editor, Craftsperson, Critic, Data operator, Dental hygienist, Dietician, Doctor, Housekeeper, Information processor, Inspector , Personal assistant, Pharmacist, Programmer, Proofreader, Record keeper

Virgo on Money

You always see to it that the account books are in order, and are blessed with the ability to stretch the buck. You take comfort from all the money stashed away in the bank, as it spares you one more worry. You also hate wasting money. You definitely save for a rainy day and don't mind working hard to do so, especially since it keeps you from having to depend on others, a perennial concern. You are a wizard at budgeting, and can have fun very little. You can impart valuable lessons on how "The best things in life come free." You are not a big spender, and hate to borrow and lend money. About the only time you'll lend is to a family member in need or in a case where you're sure to get it back. You love the idea of a regular paycheck. You will not be found anywhere near the vicinity of a gambling den, since you believe that a bird in hand is worth a lot more!

On Anger Management

What is anger?

Anger is a normal emotion with kids and with adults. When something happens or someone interferes with a person in a negative manner, it can cause them to become very angry.
Anger is a normal response to such a situation. Anger can be classed as a mild or intense irritation all the way to total rage. Depending on the individual, the circumstance and their emotions, even mild irritation to you or me may cause a different person to become enraged or furious.

What is Anger Management?

It’s pretty simple, controlling anger is considered anger management. The first step to controlling anger issues it to admit there is a problem. Some people have major anger issues but can’t see them or deny the issues even exist.

Indications that a person needs Anger Management

People who have problems admitting to their anger and accepting responsibility for their actions often blame others for their problems.

People who have difficulty seeing any part of the situation as their fault. There is always something or someone to blame for their anger. Their fits of anger and temper tantrums are always blamed on something else.

These people could really use a few lessons in anger management. However they need to accept their actions and reactions for what they are, anger. It’s really hard if they don’t understand what they are so angry about.

People who get angry act in different ways. Some lash out or become very defensive. Other people tend to keep their anger to themselves, bottling up their negative emotions and pain. While some people become reckless and even abusive. Anger can be a very harmful emotion if it isn’t controlled or managed in the correct way.


The Importance of Anger Management

Many people who have anger issues find it demeaning when anger management is suggested. They see it, most of the time as a control issue and they don’t want to admit they aren’t always in control of themselves. Inability to accept their anger problem prevents them from seeking the help they require.

If someone continues down a road where they are constantly angry and acting out, it will eventually cause major problems in their life. Without anger management they will possibly face the loss of their family, the loss of their job and loss of their own sense of self.
It’s necessary to convince the person that anger management is not a punishment but rather to help them have a better quality of life. Anger management is designed to help the individual work out their problems, help them figure out why they become so angry and what they can do to keep it from happening.

It also teaches the person not to be enslaved by their emotions, their anger. Anger management is meant to teach the person techniques which prevent them from getting angry as often or for very long so they can remain in control of themselves, their words and their actions.
There are all sorts of anger management strategies. There are programs created specifically to help those with anger issues. These programs are broken down to help all ages of people, kids, teens, adults, seniors, couples and families.

These anger management programs are in place to teach or help people to work on their emotional states, from mild irritation to rage. Teaching people strategies for working out their problems and controlling their anger are important in management of the problem.


Anger may be a healthy, normal emotion but when it takes over an individual’s life making them destructive and violent, it’s a big problem. Not only does the anger destroy the individual but it also impacts everyone and everything around them. Anger management could change this individual and ensure a healthy, normal life.

If you know anyone with an anger problem you might be able to help them by learning something about the problem.

(It's not that I possess a destructive behavior due to my anger. But this article has been very helpful to me in recognizing and controlling my anger and helping others to realize such problem.)

The Secret Language of Birthdays - September 18

*** I got this info tidbits on people who were born under September 18. Well, some of them are right and some of them are not. Still, as long as we live, we have the will and power to change for the better, and not be stereotyped by other people's notions and ideas. With it, may you be enlightened ...some way...some how ;)

Text from: The Secret Language of Birthdays Copyright 1994
September 18 - The Day of Internal Mystery

Those born on September 18 are very private, even secretive people who for one reason or another often find themselves in very public careers. Their world is a highly personal one to which entrance is not granted easily. They can be depended on, but perhaps not forever, because with great finality and suddenness they are capable of closing the door on a friendship or a love relationship. Thus they may be dangerous people to get involved with unless their partners are prepared for their changes of heart.

Those born on this day are capable of attaining tremendous success, but they can be equally hounded by repeated failure and plain bad luck. The theme of beauty is central to their lives. They are highly sensitive to any kind of strife, violance or bitter competition, which they would just soon avoid. The fact is that September 18 people are not capable of handling a lot of stress and despite their often imposing or attractive appearance may also not be blessed with the highest degree of self confidence.

When Spetember 18 people are faced with complex problems, however, they respond to the challenge well, because basically they enjoy figuring things out. They really do want to understand, and in order to do that they often sequester or isolate themselves from the world, so that they can conduct their internal investigations in private. Thoughtful, rumitive and deep people, they take life very seriously, perhaps too seriuosly.

Most September 18 people have a special relationship with worship or belief, whether realized in personal development, artistic expression, or social interaction. Because of their devotional nature, they do well in studies and lifestyles which demand unbroken concentration and attention, as well as a submerging of their own ego. This suppresion of their affect can create emotional difficulties, but may also produce an air of mystery about them that makes them highly attractive. One must know when to approach those born on September 18, and when to leave them alone. More than most other people, success in a relationship with them will depend on a mates ability to be sensitive to this timing.

September 18 people are often found far from their original home, either geographically or emotionally, and some born on this day prefer not to be reminded of their past. In general, they leave what is past behind and rarely reopen a closed issue or failed relationship.

Last Goodbye (The Finale)

I did not turned my back, because I made up my mind. I am his and he is mine.

And it happened.

I'm too deliciously exhausted to turn and open my eyes. But I couldn't help smiling and chuckling as chin gently scraped my cheek. Well, obviously we both did not regret this. But I felt an inkling. I am not a Saint. And I'm tired of following the rules, isn't it not okay to break the rules once in a while. To be normal? I know in my heart that this is not a one-night stand. Nor he'll dare to make me his mistress. He has scruples! And so do I. My thoughts simply vanished as I dared to turn and to catch his lips.

Inevitably, it happened again.

He invited me to a trip in a faraway land, a place of his childhood. No one knew him there now, his family left when he was five. So it's a safe getaway. It's nearby the ancient ruins by the sea. Of course, I was too excited, too nervous...and too joyful to care about the scruples, for this affair. We both knew that it'll our last days together. So we have to make the most out of it. There is no turning back, it's now or never. So I chose - now, no regrets.

I couldn't believe myself for my ability to fabricate lies, to make grand excuses because I am so eager to be with him again. We flew in to different planes but landed on the same airport. I never knew that I could be so daringly mad to pull off this stunt. But I did. All because of crazy, freaking, mad love! Till this day, no one knew where I have been during those days. I guess being secretive is somewhat natural to me.

There, we both became what we wanted. Free from all the cares, laws, rules and responsibilities. Not to mention, free from prying eyes and wagging tongues back home. It was bordering hedonism, I'd say. We wined and dined, flirted and danced, swam and ran, even fought and made-up. People oftenly mistaken us for a newly wed couple, which we laugh it off. Lovely mistake! I couldn't help but smile to his boyish grin when he saw my surprise as he registered our name in the hotel as Mr & Mrs. There were days that we spent most of the time outdoors, but mostly indoors indulging to sensual abandonment.

As our days become shorter, I willed myself not to become depressed as our last moment nears. We never talked about the future together but dream of things we wanted to fulfill. He urged me to go back to school and be a teacher as I wanted or planned to be when I was in my teens. When you wanted something, you may or can do everything in your hand to get it, he said. I was silent for a moment. I'm not sure if I'm pondering on being a teacher or being a looser for not having him. I did not do everything to have him. He must have read my thoughts. He said 'It's not your fault, nor mine. It's just that we are not fated to be together. In both ways, we could be proud and at the same time be ashamed of having the guts for defying the Divine righteousness. That's why we are both here, to be together. Even for a moment'

I couldn't breathe. He's hugging me too tight. And so do I. So this is it. The end of our story. There's next chapter for both us with different people, he said. Ours ends here. Find yourself someone who will love you more than I and more than you love yourself. Be keen to what they do and not to what they say! You're smart, so be more confident with yourself. Don't let anyone walk over you. Pray harder if you must! Life is too short so don't waste it to some looser! Then he roughly kissed my neck, cheek and lips. I don't care if people are staring at us. Though we are in the middle of busy passengers area in the airport.

We will flew in to different airline but I won't get to see his plane land at the airport back home. He'll be leaving for good, back to his wife and kids in the country near Indian Ocean. Willing ourselves not to cry, we bade goodbye in between the exchange of kisses. With, one last hard kiss and off we go to separate ways.

That's the last time I saw him. It's the end of it. Embracing life with more passion, I will live it with no regrets. Yes, I could have another man in my life, but I am sure not as intense as this nor I'll be as passionate as I am to him. He's the one that got away. I am a career woman, first and he, a family man. Time to face my world with renewed sense of being. I went back to school, and changed job. I avoided to rush everything to put any matter in a new perspective. I'm having more fun now than when I was younger. I am simply living life...not yet to the fullest, but I know...I'm getting there.

The Scar That Made Me Beautiful

I hate my scar...I hate myself.

As a child, that's what I used to say when I look in the mirror and see nothing but my big and deep scar, which I got from a dog bite when I was a toddler.

My father told me that I was playing with my food giving a spoonful to our dog. As a 2 year old toddler,our dog Snooky was my playmate, so instead of biting from the spoon that I gave to him he bit my right cheek. He said, I was hospitalized and operated in the E.R. because of my bleeding cheek. The doctors need to treat me asap because, unfortunately, our mutt Snooky has rabies. Hence, their rescue mission left me with a big scar in my cheek that left me insecure for years.

As I grew up, my scar became the subject of conversation or an ice-breaker to anyone who just met me or already knew me. Obviously, it was so freaking awkward. As a little girl, my classmates and playmates would really tease me mercilessly for having big scar on my face. I got the name 'Scar-face' or 'Mukhang may Peklat' from other kids. But to my childish awe and wonder, I gained friends. Not a lot but a few, buddies that aside from my younger siblings, that I can share my toys, stories and snacks with. Maybe, because my parents instilled being good to others, I'll be likeable.

There was a time when I went to our family doctor with my mom. Since, my scar made me very shy, I don't really look the strangers in the eye. The kind doctor tilted my chin, egged me to look in his eyes and gently turned to my right cheek. Then he told me and my Mom, that I have a pretty face but with an ugly scar. 'You need to smile more, hija, so that people will see your dimples instead of your scar' he said. But he suggested to my Mom that when I grew up, I can have a plastic surgery to have my scar removed. That time, plastic surgery wasn't so acceptable and available as today. To my childish mind, it's somewhat akin to a magic wand or wish from a genie, because it dispels something so ugly. Vaguely, I instantly wish that I'm a grown up, with a lot of money to have a plastic surgery, so that I can be beautiful. Little did I know then that I just commited a deadly sin at a very young age. Vanity - ever so subtle vanity. Not exactly subtle, isn't it?

During my adolescense, I'm still the butt of ugly jokes. Now, not with just with my scar, but having such a weird name. And I did either that I ignored them or cried secretly or fought back. Though, I know I have been good but alas, they were not to me. I cried really hard (secretly), when my pretty and bitchy classmate drew a sketch of me exaggerating my scar. From then, I made up my mind, that I'm gonna study hard and work harder to save for my plastic surgery. I don't feel any guilt for this influx of sheer vanity. I know I have the right to become beautiful so that I will be accepted and fell so normal like all the girls my age. Being a good girl or intelligent is not enough. The cliche 'Beauty is within' is simply a crap, to me it is made and said by ugly but kind and smart people, who wanted to make themselves feel good. My smiles become lesser because of this fierceness lurking inside of me. To me, this is what the ugly thing that all-girls school taught me. A stronger dose of Vanity.

So how come my scar made me beautiful?

I simply opened my eyes and look around and view farther and beyond. Thanks to my 20/20 vision! Seriously. I simply grew up for real, not just with the added years to my age, but with my heart and mind. I came to realize that beauty, like anything in this world, comes in different shapes, sizes, color, feel and even smell. Being in different places, different people have different definition or perception of beauty.

To simplify - beauty is something that pleases our senses. In my case, I realized that being true to myself is beautiful enough. Maybe not enough for me; but, yes to others, I am beautiful. No conceit here, but it's not just friends that I gained as I got older. A few admirers as well - young and old men of different colors.

My scar made me feel humbled to realize that beauty isn't everything, but simply part of a person's wholeness. Seeing it in a whole new light, it made me realize that my scar serve as a gauge to people I relate or associate with. It functions as a filter to those people who chooses or approve others based on their looks. Not with their personality nor intentions. With it, I never knew that such imperfection would have such a perfect role in my life. With an open mind, I am able to see and feel that in one way or another, of how much blessed I am for having the things and people, that others wished could have. A deeper realization proved that God gave each and every one of us a gift of Beauty. He simply wrapped it differently for each of us, waiting to be unwrapped and reveled by our Senses.

In time, my scar became smaller, less deeper. It always leaves a smile to my face, when I look at the mirror. I no longer said that I hated myself for having this scar. How could I? When I know that having it, made me Beautiful.


Oh, by the way, I didnt get to save for my plastic surgery. Since it's so impossibly expensive, I simply bought a very trusty concealer, for my scar. Vanity? Yes, forgivable feminine vanity.

Family Recipes : Mommy's Pineapple Cheese Sandwhich Spread

In my childhood (and actually till now) my parents never indulge our (me and my siblings) cravings for junk food, because it's not good for our health - which was true, till now. So in our lunchboxes, aside from mandatory rice and savory dish, my mother would stuff it with sandwiches, biscuits and packed fruit juices.

Though what we usually eat is loaded with nutrients, it still is a very boring meal. It was then when we didn't finish nor ate our baon, my mother would whip up this Pineapple & Cheese Sandwich Spread,; especially, when my siblings and got tired of the usual tuna or cheese spread. She learned this recipe from her Home Economics teacher back in high school.

Ingredients :

1 can of crushed pineapple (350g)

1 whole cheddar cheese (approx. 250g)

1. Strain crushed pineapple and gently press the pulp to the strainer. Avoid pressing too much juice, so that it won't be too dry.

2. Grate 1 whole 250g cheese to the pineapple.

3. Mix them together until the grated cheese adhered to the pineapple.

4. Spread it in a soft or toasted bread.

5. Place it in a clean container and store in the refrigerator. Maximum shelf life is 1 month as long as it keeps refrigerated.



For me, I consider this to be my comfort food. I always relish every bite. The subtle saltiness of cheese clashing to the sweet and sour soft to crispy texture of crushed pineapple simply burst in your mouth. Of course, I almost forgot to mention that my Mom's spread is rich in calcium, iron and Vitamin C. And yes, nutritious food doesn't have to be boring. Bon appetit!

Me and My Cocktails

Frankly, I am not a much of a drinker...because I hardly drink at all. Though when I occassionally do, I prefer something that somehow pleases my tastebuds. Translation : bordering non-alcoholic drinks .....On the top of my list is the classic red wine, which hardly made me tipsy after drinking half of a bottle. Also, its relative - the chi-chi champagne, which I wish I could have any moment, fruity soda priced a thousand times to your average Diet Coke. Of course, there's the light beer, which made me tipsy after 4 bottles (reasonable, i guess). Lastly, the margarita, which tasted more like of a mixed fruit juices of sorts.

Although, I tried really hard drinks (unwillingly with coercion from my "pro-drinkers" friends and cousins) such as tequila, gin, brandy, rhum, whiskey and the strongest of them all -lambanog; which I all drank straight! (Not simultaneously, Silly! One at a time of course!) Much to my disgust, because of my gag reflex to the taste and smell of pure alcohol. Of course, there's vodka, which I'm a bit partial to its taste of some imported brands. That is why, I am sharing two of my favorite vodka-based cocktails. Have fun in making them with your buds!

Cheers!!!

Black Russian

Preparation : Time 5 minutes

Ingredients : (serves 1) Ice cubes, to serve

45ml Kahlua liqueur

45ml vodka

Method :

1. Fill a serving glass with ice.

2. Pour over the Kahlua and vodka. Use a swizzle stick or spoon to stir.

Notes Variation: For a Cola Black Russian, fill a tall glass with ice. Pour over the Kahlua and vodka. Top up with cola. Stir and serve.

Cape Codd ( The Mother or Grandmother of Cosmopolitan)

Preparation : 5 minutes

Ingredients 2 ounces vodka

2 or 3 ounces cranberry juice cocktail

1/2 ounce lime juice

club soda

Method:

1. Pour vodka (or white rum) into a tall glass,

2. Add cranberry juice cocktail, the juice of half a lime (some leave this out,) and a couple of ice cubes.

3. Top off with club soda or seltzer (some leave this out - a real Cape Code never leave this out!).

4. Garnish, if you wish, with a slice of lime and/or a sprig of mint.

Notes Variation: For Cosmopolitan, add Triple Sec and remove club soda. Shake it well with ice in the cocktail shaker. Strain into large cocktail glass, then garnish with lime wheel.